It is not widely known, but I am an ordained minister and have been for several years. The first service I officiated was for my mother back in 2013. Her unique story needed to be told by someone familiar with the details and I was proud to take on the task.
When I received word from her husband Jerry that my very good friend Stephanie Call had passed away the day after Christmas I asked him if she had a home church and was told she did not. I volunteered my services to officiate her celebration and thus the last weekend, my birthday weekend, of 2014 was an unplanned yet memorable experience for me to treasure.
I was fortunate to spend a good part of a day with her family and hear stories that would assist in the compilation of the eulogy and spent my 57th birthday writing the actual eulogy. Tuesday, December 30th 2014 will forever be a day of reflection for me.
Here is her story
_______________________________________________________________
Stephanie Call
June 19, 1955 – December 26, 2014
Good afternoon.
Thank you for coming as we celebrate the life of Stephanie Call.
A strong, devoted and loving wife, daughter, sister,
aunt, and friend, Stephanie passed away in Boulder, CO at Boulder Community
Foothills Hospital on December 26, 2014 with her husband of 30 years by her
side and her niece Jessica. A 15 year
battle with cancer proved to all of us just what kind of strength she
possessed. In the beginning, no
treatments existed for the type of cancer she had. Her participation in two important clinical
trials helped pioneer the way we treat cancer today and was the first proof of
concept that this drug therapy would work for solid tumors. Highlighted on the cover of Time magazine in May
of 2001, the drugs revolutionized cancer treatment and are now widely used.
A quote by an unknown author summarizes to me Stephanie’s
strength:
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world
to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell
apart, that's true strength.”
Stephanie was born June 19, 1955 in Germantown,
Pennsylvania to Hugh Jr. and Erma Pitzer.
The oldest of five children and the only girl, she evidently kept her
brothers in line as I heard her brothers refer to her as their “other mother”. Her brother Kurt recalls how it was always
his job to mow the very steep hill in their yard. Stephanie was tired of doing housework inside
and wanted to do the mowing. She tried to mow the very steep hill but couldn’t.
She re-thought her decision and after that she no longer wanted to mow. She went back to doing inside housework.
Family dynamics are always challenging and recollections
of past events are fun to hear. Back in
the day of black and white televisions and non-existent remote controls, Kurt,
Stephanie’s brother was quietly watching TV (hmm….with his bible and glass of
milk? NOT!) when all of a sudden, Stephanie stormed in and changed the channel.
After a few choice loving words were exchanged between brother and sister
(HA!), Stephanie reached over and proceeded to grab Kurt’s hair and supposedly yanked
out a big chunk!! Since Stephanie was
the oldest she might have played the ‘I’m older’ card a few times but without
being here to defend herself let’s just say maybe he deserved it?
Kurt also claims that Stephanie was a sneaky sister….he
lived in the same apartment complex as she but they did not live together. One
day while Kurt was outside grilling steaks by his front door he stepped inside
for just a second to get something. Stephanie and her boyfriend at the time
grabbed the steaks off the grill and took off running. Kurt came outside and ran around the corner
and saw them. This story sounds very
much like the feisty Stephanie that we all knew and loved.
Kurt and other brother Mike remember a time when their parents
went away on vacation. They took their
camper and three youngest boys and left the two oldest kids behind, Stephanie
and her brother Hugh. Stephanie and Hugh
decided to have a big block party with a live band and beer kegs on the back
patio. The party got so big that traffic direction was needed. As a responsible, and maybe suspicious dad, Hugh
Sr. called the house to check on his two oldest. When one of the friends answered the phone, Stephanie’s
dad asked “Who’s this?” the friend responded “Well, who’s THIS?” A confused Hugh
heard whispering on the other end of the phone “quiet, quiet, the dad is on the
phone!” Stephanie’s parents quickly
packed up the camper and headed home. Hugh
Sr., being a Washington DC police officer, immediately started the
interrogations. Needless to say, the
next day Hugh and Erma put the camper up for sale.
During her teenage years, like most girls Stephanie tried
her hand at cooking. Her brother Mike
shared a story of Stephanie and her ‘attempt’ to cook by frying SPAM. It always
seemed to end up looking like a black brick. As Stephanie matured, so did her
cooking, thankfully. Her husband Jerry
LOVED many of her wonderful meals like her fusilli’s and meatballs and chicken
tetrazzini.
Stephanie attended Prince Georges Community College in
Largo, Maryland. She moved to Colorado
in 1979 where she met her husband Jerry Call.
They were married in August of 1984 in the lovely mountain setting of
Peaceful Valley, Colorado where wedding guests had to arrive via 4 wheel drive
vehicles. I was told that some elderly
ladies enjoyed the adventure and that it added a fun beginning to their
beautiful day.
Her work career included being an administrative and
executive assistant at NSA, Rocky Flats, and Ball Aerospace. She was an excellent employee and made many
friends at every company that have kept in touch with her over the years.
Stephanie and I were immediately drawn to each other when
we met. Our sense of humor was very
similar, our taste in food, clothing, and even household items. I would often go to her house and see that
she and I had purchased similar things unbeknownst to one another. Her honesty and candor were qualities that I
adored about her. During one of our last
lunches together Stephanie was not shy about letting me know she did not like
that I had let my hair go gray. Her
not-so-subtle question to me “have you thought about maybe coloring your hair
or putting some highlights through it?” made me laugh and love her even more.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched
hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual
inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in
him and is willing to trust him with a friendship."
I did trust Stephanie with our friendship and I know many
others have as well. We did not have to
see each other daily but she and I both knew our bond was sincere and
forever.
The family has put together a slide show to share with
us, let us take this time to watch and reflect upon some special moments with
Stephanie.
Movie interlude here
Personal Stories
I asked the family to relate any personal stories for me
to read and was very pleased with what I received.
This is called the “Bathtub story” and is shared by
Stephanie’s parents:
Jerry went away on a business trip and Mom and Dad stayed
with Stephanie. Dad had recently
recovered from a stroke and Stephanie and Mom thought he should take a bath but
forgetting that Stephanie’s bathroom was not handicap accessible. When dad was
finished with his bath, Erma emptied the water out and she tried to help Hugh
get out of the tub but there was no way for her to help him out. Erma asked
Stephanie for help and they tried to lift him out by his feet and arms. They were not getting anywhere with getting
Hugh out of the tub. So Stephanie said
“we need to call the fire dept for help”. The fire dept was there in a flash
and helped Hugh out of the tub. Needless
to say Hugh was embarrassed but they all had a good laugh about it for quite a
while. Since then, Hugh does not take a
bath and insists on showers only.
Mom Erma shared: Since Stephanie was at home more, she
always had her mom and dad over for dinner a lot for many wonderful meals she
was really becoming quite the cook. Stephanie always liked to make desserts and
brownies were Erma and Hugh’s favorite.
Mom Erma wrote: Stephanie and I talked with each other EVERY
single day for support and to just catch up for the day. Stephanie, I love and miss you very much and
my life will be very lonely without you.
Not only did I lose a daughter but even more so, I’ve lost my best
friend.
Dad shared: There are no words that can describe the hurt
a father feels when he loses his only daughter. Stephanie my heart is forever
broken. Stephanie I love you very much!
___________________________________________________________________
Thoughts from Stephanie’s brother Phil, Jane
and their kids:
As our only and older sister, Stephanie had Her Hands
full looking out for Her four younger brothers. No complaints.(well, maybe...)
But nonetheless, always with love. We
grew up out "East" by the ocean with vacations usually spent @
"Ocean City" MD - thus, Her love of "anything" ocean. Life eventually took us all back to Colorado
where Dad was born and raised. But even though She loved the mountains and
camping, She still had a special place in Her heart for "Anything
Water". (Boating, beaching etc...) Some of Her favorite places were Horsetooth
Res, Carter Lake & Steamboat... As
"Aunt Steph & Uncle Jerry" they were always there to include us
and the "kids"-Stevie,Katie & Jessica in all their
boating/camping plans. We will forever be grateful for the time/memories She
shared with us.
Love you Steph...Phil,Jane,Jessica,Katie& Steve
____________________________________________________________________
Mike’s memories
Stephanie really loved the beach and water. Mike remembers taking many
trips with Stephanie to Ocean City MD and stopping along the way to grab some
delicious BBQ chicken from the roadside Kiwanis BBQ stand. The road trip was
not complete unless we stopped for Kiwanis BBQ. Mike also had a lot of good
memories of Stephanie playing the piano (she was the only one that played the
piano) and playing the guitar. Also,
Stephanie used to always call me “The funny one”. I always made her laugh and
we were always joking about things. Stephanie I love you very much and I feel
like a large part of me is gone.
____________________________________________________________________
Sister in law Nancy -
Stephanie and Jerry always had dogs and she had a special but funny way of
talking to her dogs. With a high pitch voice, she would always say “schweetie,
schweetie, schweetie” to call her dog.
Whenever we would spend time together, one of the first things that
would come out of our mouths to greet each other was “schweetie, schweetie,
schweetie “ and then we would laugh. Stephanie was also a jokster. Very recently I went out to dinner with
Stephanie, Jerry and the family and I got up to go to the bathroom. When I returned, I kept hearing a fart noise
at the table and when I looked at Stephanie, she was giggling. She had put her
cell phone on my chair which was playing a fart app. We laughed but even worse, we kept hitting
the button to keep the noise going.
Stephanie, I love and miss you very much my schweetie, schweetie,
schweetie.
From friend Kathy Tostenson:
Stephanie is a sister I never had. She’s the most amazing person I’ve
known. I admired and looked up to her
so very much for her positive attitude, wisdom, courage, advice, beauty inside
and out; I could go on and on. Jerry and
Stephanie fought her fight together and Stephanie fought the fight like no
other! Jerry’s love for her had shown
through time and time again, as Steph’s love for Jerry also.
We can’t believe how fast it happened, but maybe it was
best that way. It would have been
unimaginable to see her spend days, weeks or months in the hospital. Mentally we’ve been trying to prepare
ourselves for this day, but no matter how much you prepare, there’s no way you
can be prepared.
Our boys both agreed that Steph’s passing is
bitter-sweet. The bitter is that she’s
gone from this earth. The sweet is she
is that she is in “NO MORE PAIN” or suffering anymore. She was sooo strong. It really was unbelievable.
I remember when Kim came home from Rocky Flats when he
first met Jerry and said “his wife must be wild, she has some cool sunglasses
in his car”. The Tostenson family will
remember the fantastic time we had at Lake Powell together, when all of the
boys shot water balloons at us girls and Steph falling off her raft J . Kim and I enjoyed the times camping and
boating with Jerry and Stephanie, not to mention spending holidays or the
endless times of having a meals together, whether out at a restaurant or at one
of our houses; Hugh and Erma too! Who
says you can’t learn anything from watching TV, Steph sure learned great
recipes from watching the cooking channel and letting us try them out. They sure were tasty! Of the many endearing attributes of
Stephanie, one of the greatest was her ability to “tell it like it is”. There was no candy coating anything, and we
loved her for that.
Then there’s Jerry.
He is the most amazing, incredible, caring person we know. He took the “BEST” care of Stephanie anyone
ever could! His love, dedication,
respect, care giving, and patience are amazing; we could go on and on here
too. You were Steph’s most important
gift of all.
Today, tomorrow and days, weeks and years to come we will
reflect on Stephanie Call; her smile, laughter, kindness, devotion as a wife,
daughter, sister, aunt and best of the best friend you could ever wish
for. Not to mention dog lover, straw
paper blower and Kim’s partner is short wearing (even when it was cold
outside).
Steph: We love you
and will miss you sooo much. Until we
meet again. God Bless you our dear dear
friend.
LOVE and HUGGGGGGs to you all Call and Pitzer Family…Kim
and Kathy
The most important GIFT
from Jerry Call
As many of you are already aware, Stephanie passed away
yesterday of complications from cancer. Eventually I made it back home from the
hospital after she had passed. After I realized the house was not quite as nice
as it should be for the family that were already there and more family that was
coming, I began a flurry of picking up, cleaning, even laundry. I just couldn’t
sit still. My mind wouldn’t let my body stop.
Eventually, the family disbursed for a bit and I sit down
for a minute on the couch in our living room. I looked over above the fireplace
and saw our Christmas stockings. We had left for the hospital on Christmas day
and although we had opened most of the presents, we hadn’t gotten to the Christmas
stockings. I opened my stocking and found what Stephanie used to call stocking
stuffers (maybe everyone calls them that?). A few small bags of different types
of coffee, some scratch lottery tickets and some candy. But on top of the
stocking was a card from Stephanie to me. It had two cute bears in bed, with
the wife bear handing a card to her husband. Although it’s a bit long and some
of the words are from the greeting card company, I would like to share it with
you:
My Husband,
I’ve
always been in love with you. . .
Even
when I was just a little girl dreaming of a wonderful guy like you.
Even
when we first met and it was love I was feeling every time you were around. . .
And even now, when I tell you that you’re
the best friend and husband ever.
I’ve
always been in love with you.
Merry Christmas,
Forever in love with you.
Always, Stephanie
Of all of the gifts that I got this year, I can guarantee
that years from now, there is only one that I will remember; that beautiful
card. But the other thing that I will always remember and always regret is that
I wasn’t as thoughtful. I hadn’t gotten Stephanie a card. I hadn’t taken that
opportunity to remind her how I felt about her.
Don’t put off reminding that special someone how you feel.
Our time on this world is limited.
Stephanie, if you are looking down on us, I hope you can
read this from up there.
I am forever in love with you too.
Your less than perfect husband,
Jerry
When
I am Gone Author Unknown
"When I am gone, release me. Let me go.
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears.
Be happy that we had so many beautiful years.
I gave to you my love. You can only guess
How
much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
But
now it's time I traveled on alone.
So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must.
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's
only for a while that we must part,
So bless the memories within your heart.
I
won't be far away, for life goes on.
So if
you need me, call and I will come.
Though
you can't see or touch me, I'll be near.
And if you listen with your heart, You'll
hear
all my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll
greet you with a smile and say welcome home..."
