I have been going through many photo albums lately in an attempt to scan and organize photos for posterity and for future generations of our family. My mom used to do this type of task, back in the day, but with actual photo albums not with the luxury of a computer. My mom used to be able to do a lot of things that I bet you do not know.
Born in rural Indiana in the early 1930's she is the oldest daughter but middle child of her family. My grandparents made the trek from Indiana to California when mom was a teenager. She graduated from Santa Monica High School (SamoHi), class of 1951. I am not sure what her dreams or aspirations were other than being married and having children but that was common during her generation. She was young and naive' when she met a handsome southern gentleman at church in Santa Monica and the pages of the Rainer-Flood history book began from that point.
I am comfortable in saying that there are only 2 people that really know my mom; my dad and me. When you "know" someone, you learn the things that make them smile or bring them comfort and you are willing to do so even when you are not feeling well. You listen to them tell you the same thing every day and act like it is the first time you have ever heard it and you love them despite their unintentional actions, but I am a bit ahead of myself at this point of my story.
I chose the picture above because I love the way I am gazing at my mom. I feel like I look at her this way now because she still amazes me only in different ways than she obviously must have at this young age of my life. My most vivid early memory of my mom is when President Kennedy was assassinated. I remember sitting on the floor in front of the television (black and white of course) wondering what the fuss was all about and watching my mom's grief. We were living in an apartment in Southern California at that time but we moved north to the Conejo Valley where my parents bought their first house not too long after that tragic November.
My mom went through several phases of her life that I look back on and see how they molded me into who I am today. She went through a very fun Doris Day phase where she had her hair blond and styled similar to the actress and she dressed in fashionable but reasonably priced clothes that she could make or find to resemble some of the ensembles that Doris Day might wear. She was a very crafty and talented seamstress and took hours and hours to sew clothes for my Barbie dolls with some of the outfits looking suspiciously like Doris Day outfits as well. I did not appreciate her talents or her hard work back then but I can see how she wanted me to have Barbie doll clothes and that their budget did not allow for store-bought ones so she used her imagination to do her best for me at that time. My Barbie had a wedding dress made from my mom's own wedding dress and I display it proudly in a frame in my house. I also cannot resist watching a Doris Day movie if one is on television.
Her Galloping Gourmet phase was more fun for her than it was for me, I believe. She seemed very enthused to try out new recipes on the family and I am sure that we were not as grateful to her for her efforts and ability to pull together meals on our budget and still have them be "gourmet". Some of the intriguing sauces contained cooking wine or sherry that added a unique taste unfamiliar to my young palate and I probably turned my nose up at a lot of her hard work. She did like to cook, though, and I have not been able to duplicate some of her recipes to my liking. Fried chicken, she made some very tasty fried chicken. Sure, it was probably the start of my bad cholesterol that I am carrying around today but that coating was great and the chicken was never dry. She loved to cook in batches and utilize the freezer like a smart woman of the 70's, also something we probably did not give her much credit for as she had the foresight of meal planning. I also like to cook and experiment with recipes and various spices but I do not have the flare that she possessed for food presentation. I have fun with the concept of trying new ideas while adding my own spin on the ingredients and I thank her for giving me these skills.
Holidays were always made special by mom. She decorated the house for Christmas with such enthusiasm that it was contagious. She baked and baked and baked during the holidays. I have great memories of her love for this task. She worked very diligently to ensure that our Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays were abundant with the food and festivities that our family budget would allow.
The 1970's and early 1980's brought some unforeseen challenges for mom as she dealt with life, health issues, and the ever-demanding family. She withdrew from us in a way that was difficult to acknowledge or speak of and life became forever changed. I look back on those years and wonder if she so desperately needed someone to talk to and share her life with and I am so sorry that she and I did not have that bond. Perhaps things may have been different for her if we were closer. She was a very co-dependent woman and I was very independent. When life got difficult, and her health deteriorated, she chose the means to escape her problems that were subjective to her co-dependency. I became a bitter teenager instead of trying to help her; I did not have the maturity to reach out to her as it was all about me at that point of my life, typical selfish teenager. Dad was working so hard to keep the family afloat, her friends were probably not comfortable with sensitive discussions, or mom did not feel it appropriate to air her laundry . Nevertheless, in June of 1983 someone else stepped in.
Dad and mom were driving from Southern California to Durango Colorado to meet with his brother Bill and sister in-law Wanda for a vacation. Bill and Wanda drove from Wichita, Kansas. During the drive, mom started feeling ill so she rested in the back seat of their car where, unbeknownst to them, carbon monoxide was filling up the trunk and seeping into the passenger area via the back seat. She lost consciousness and paramedics treated her for what they thought was heart failure. She was in a coma for 14 days and doctors urged my dad to “pull the plug” as they felt she would only be a vegetable from that point forward. Dad could not and would not give up on her and did not allow them to persuade him otherwise. She came out of her coma but had to go through some basic physical therapy to relearn skills we all take for granted.
Mom was only 50 years old when it happened and she has to this day never relearned to write the alphabet, dress herself, or do basic day-to-day activities. She has dementia with very little short term memory and at times her long term recall startles us as she remembers the lyrics to older songs. It takes a great deal of patience for us all but in particular for dad. Carbon monoxide poisoning changed all of our lives in an instant.
After many years and different states (Colorado, Kansas, and back to Colorado) mom and dad settled into our home where we welcomed them with open arms. Her health declined to a point where dad could no longer care for her as she had a long hospital stay in Intensive Care that left her unable to walk. I had to make the difficult decision to convince dad to move her to a nursing home where she has been for the past 3 years. She does not know that she lives in a nursing home, though, which is a blessing. We try to humor her when we visit as her memory is so distorted with time spans and events. She has no phone in her room but tells us on the days that her friends call and what nice chats she has had with them. Even though there are actually no calls, and the person of whom she is speaking may already have passed on, we inquire as to the conversation and let her believe she is so loved to receive calls and visits that are actually not there. When dad comes and leaves, she thinks he goes to work and does not remember from day to day any differently. Sometimes she thinks I am her only sister instead of her only daughter and that is the one thing that I do bother correcting. Mom has had bouts of depression and has had trouble eating or sometimes just does not want to eat. This is a challenge for dad and he does not miss a breakfast meal unless he is ill with something contagious. I admire his sincere commitment to mom.
This particular blog was inspired by an event I attended with my mom today. We went to a Tea Party at the nursing home. It was for women only and we had such a great time! There were some "Dancing Diva's" who were aged 59-80 and did some great routines to a variety of music that mom loved. She kept thanking me for bringing her and the smile on her face was precious. They served little egg salad sandwich triangles, 2 strawberry halves, 3 grape halves, a little cookie, and a little piece of candy. She ate every bite of her food on her plate and then tried to get the strawberries off of woman's plate next to her, it was great!
Life is short, we never know what is around the corner and I do suggest you let your loved ones know how you feel regularly as every moment we have on this earth is precious and unpredictable to say the least. As always, thanks for reading my blog. I have included some pictures below of mom in her new home.
Grandma P.
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| recent Christmas photo |
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| Mother's Day 2010 |
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