Hello readers,
My brain is spinning with the notion that it is already December. The year has been so busy with a plethora of activities so different from my life prior to retirement.
I had a lot of milestones this year with our oldest grandchild turning 10, first one to reach double-digits; my high school graduation class celebrated 40 years; my husband finally joined me in the 50's (heehee); our oldest son turned 35; my father in-law turned 70; mother in-law turned 65; and our youngest son turned 21!
I feel that I have settled in nicely to my revised life purpose. Notice that I did not use the word "routine"; this is because nothing I do is anything close to that description. Although I have always admitted to being a control-freak, my variety of "busy things" has not bothered me in the slightest. I am an atypical retiree doing atypical activities. I am, and always have been, unique; at least I am consistent! haha
It took some time at the beginning of the year for me and dad to get in sync with each other. I have so much Rainer and Williams in me that I am too much like my father and his mother. Traits that I see as good, I also see in my cousin Cynthia Kay, and both of our father's. These traits, however, are ones that have been called "stubborn", "bull-headed", and other not-so-nice names but we are who we are. Not too many people my age live with their parents and it really is a test to ones patience. BUT, I would not trade it for anything. Getting to know my dad in ways that I never would have had the pleasure of in a typical situation has been a priceless and precious experience that I am ever so grateful for.
We mostly just hang out. I do chores and make sure that he is eating a proper breakfast and lunch and I hopefully provide him the conversation and interaction that he was not getting while I was at work. We take rides, visit flea markets, the grocery store, and other errands. We listen to music in the car and have good talks about life. I do not have to worry about him trying to take care of my dogs or do his own laundry or shopping. I do a LOT of writing, unfortunately most of it is in my head, haha. When someone invents the ability to transfer my thoughts from my head into MS Word I will be a famous author. I do know that I did make the right decision to retire.
My gratitude for this phase of my life, in large part, has to go to my husband Steve. If not for him my present situation would not have been possible, period. Back in 2004 when we purchased a 3,800 sq ft. home we included the notion that my parents, both mom and dad, would have a suite of rooms and a bathroom. In order to accomplish this task we had to finish a full basement into two bedrooms (one a guest room, the other for #six child), a study, and a family room to accommodate blended families when we gathered. The basement had a walkout door up to the backyard through a lovely study that I designed and Steve built. Mom and dad had their suite upstairs, it was ideal. Steve was amazing with the construction and we lived in that house for 10 years of our marriage.
Mom eventually went into a nursing home where she passed away in early 2013; she never came back to that house. Our last child grew up and was preparing to leave, so there was just the 3 of us left in a huge house.
In late 2013 we moved to a smaller, more rural house with a bigger yard for the dogs. Our new house had an unfinished basement (half of it anyway) so I once again imposed upon my husband to use his creative talents to finish the areas into a guest room and a western-themed bar. It is fabulous and I wish you all could see the products of his hard work. I am so lucky and thankful for his patience and understanding for the blending of our families over these past 18 years. It has been a long and sometimes agonizing process but we have persevered.
Steve had no problem with my new retirement status. His regular chore list, laundry, trash, yard work, and others, would all be done by the time he got home from work. "You should have retired a long time ago" he jokes with me. I happily keep busy doing what I can to keep the house running. It amazes me what all it takes and I keep wondering how I ever worked and did any of this for the last 40 years! I look forward to his regular texts during the day and find myself missing him when Monday rolls around. My retirement has actually strengthened our marriage in many ways.
Without Steve's ability to keep working a full time job and providing us with health insurance none of this would have been possible and for that I am more grateful than I can put into words. We named our western bar "The S&P" and our team S&P is in a fantastic time of life. We are enjoying each moment with more laughter than all previous years combined. We had camping adventures this summer, a few driving trips, and were fortunate to have kids and grand kids from Kansas visit us.
Dad is slowing down during this last quarter of the year. My new job is full-time chauffeur for him; he decided to sell his car and stopped driving in October. This was a brave and smart choice that he made and I am proud of him for his decision. I am certain that he now feels more trapped in the house with me but he deals with it very well.
Life is ironic how we seem to go in reverse as we get older. I am, as an adult "child", now mothering my father in so many ways. If I did not make his meals he would not eat right at all. He has reverted to a "pre-driver's license" age where he relies on me to take him to destinations, doctor appointments, haircuts, and shopping. He has accused me of nagging him but my gentle prompts (that he interprets as nagging) are for his own good just like a mother with a child. It really is pretty funny.
I have seen firsthand two choices we seem to have as life progresses: my paternal grandmother and my mother were both unaware of their dementia and the affect on others; my dad is very aware of any slight memory loss or change to his previous acuteness and it bothers him terribly. He suffers from bad dreams and relives the past. Mom had no memories other than song lyrics or names of old actors, her birthday and their anniversary. Dad does not sleep well or for very long at night; mom did not know the difference between day and night. After breakfast she would sometimes proclaim that it had been "a very long day"; dad's nights are long as he fights the nightmares of Rocketdyne and life and remembers them all too vividly.
For now I judge my dad's clarity by the morning crossword puzzle in our paper. He completes it with a swift hand and very rarely makes a mistake. As long as these puzzles are coherent in a language that I can read and he contains his sense of humor when I tease him about a small boo-boo I deem him right on schedule for his 84 years of age. He tells me "you, too, will get old some day". My response to him is always "yes, but I will not have someone like me to take care of me when I do." hahaha
In October we started watching our new grandson Ellis two days a week. He is a bright light and joy to the entire household. Funny, fussy, and full of drool, this little guy is a blessing. We spend our Thursdays and Fridays making baby talk, trying to appease his needs, and just marveling over the hundreds of pictures I seem to keep taking of him. It is rare for a child to have this much time with a great-grandparent and grandparents, I certainly never did. Ellis gets to have time with me and Steve (grandma and Pa) and we both love every minute. The photos and visual memories that I will have of Ellis with my dad and Ellis with Pa are ones that I cannot accurately put into words but are ones that I feel immense gratitude to have.
I think my annual end-of-year reflections are a product of being a December baby. Since my birthday is three days after Christmas and three days before New Year's Eve the changing of my age is very closely tied to the wrap-up of a calendar year.
In reflection, this year has provided for me in ways that I never dreamed possible. Thank you Steve, dad, and my son Jason and his wife Mary for making my first year of retirement so special. I feel very safe and satisfied in my life despite whatever turmoil is happening around the world. I wish everyone could feel this much peace.
As always, thank you for reading my blog!
Grandma P
