“People deal with grief in different ways”; I keep hearing
these words from different people and sources. I
recently watched the documentary “Diana, our Mother: Her Life and Legacy,” on HBO and I was
very moved by it. This year marks the 20th
anniversary of the death of the late Diana, Princess of Wales on August 31st, 1997. Her sons Prince
William (the Duke of Cambridge) and Prince Harry have graciously made a documentary to share their story; it is the first time that they have both spoken of her as a mother and their emotions are still raw. They both have regrets of a different nature that they need to come to terms with in their own time. The
death of a loved one is “a well defining moment,” according to Prince
William. I cited
this quote because it is so spot on for me and I watched his face as he spoke.
I searched and found several definitions of the word grief:
noun:
1.
deep sorrow, especially that is caused by someone's
death. "she was overcome with
grief"
synonyms: sorrow,
misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony,
torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair;
2.
keen mental suffering or distress over
affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
3.
a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.
informal:
4.
trouble or annoyance. "we were too tired to cause any
grief" or "the police gave me a lot of grief"
idioms:
5.
come to grief, to suffer disappointment,
misfortune, or other trouble; fail:
“Their marriage came to grief after
only two years.”
6.
good grief, (used as an exclamation of dismay,
surprise, or relief):
“Good grief, it's started to rain
again!”
As I watched the documentary it was evident that these two
young boys, now grown men, clearly felt the sorrow and sadness for the loss of
their mother even after twenty years.
The brief moments that they had with her in their early lives left such
an impact on them that they still “felt” her love. I truly related to this notion with the
recent loss of my dad. There is a very
distinct difference between feeling the loss of love that you had for someone
as opposed to feeling the grief over the loss of love that someone had for
you. My dad was one of my best friends and
confidants and I was his; his death has left me missing many things about him among them
his conversation, his smiles, and his hugs.
His love for me was immeasurable and he made sure that I knew it. I am most definitely overcome with
grief and the moment is well defined for me.
I am the keeper of my dad's belongings, a tough task after
he has passed away. He kept detailed records in a binder in the event of
his death. When I first opened the binder I found this letter that he had
left for me and it still makes me cry.
I met a family recently. Their mom, grandma, great-grandma, sister, aunt, and friend had passed away in July. A woman who in her 89 years of life touched many people’s hearts and I was honored and privileged to witness their stories and sadly, their grief during her celebration of life this past weekend.
Her story began a few years prior to my dad’s; 1928, a year of
many interesting achievements. News
stories read that Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin and changed the world
of modern medicines by introducing the age of antibiotics and his discovery of
penicillin that is still saving millions of people.
Aviator Charles Lindbergh was awarded the Congressional
Medal of Honor by U.S. President Calvin Coolidge during March of 1928.
Lindbergh was awarded the country's highest honor for completing the very first
non-stop transatlantic flight in his plane, the Spirit of St. Louis, during May
of the previous year. Amelia Earhart became
the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic in June.
The Home Pregnancy Test is first introduced and the Olympic
Winter and Summer Games are held for the first time in the countries of
Switzerland and The Netherlands. The
year 1928 was noted as the first time that the Winter Games took place in a
different country than the Summer Games.
Beloved children's cartoon character Mickey Mouse makes his
first appearance in "Steamboat Willie," one of the first successful
films to feature synchronized sound in an animated cartoon film. It was produced by Walt Disney and inspired
fan clubs that are still in place today.
“The House at Pooh Corner” by Author A. A. Milne is published in England
and once again the loveable Winnie the Pooh is captured forever in time as the “Tubby
little cubby all stuffed with fluff” and a “Willy nilly silly old bear.” It is this famous Winnie the Pooh quote,
however, that makes me think of the life celebration I attended last weekend:
"Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger
than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know."
On Wednesday January 11th, 1928 a baby was
brought into this world in Scottsbluff Nebraska; a baby who would grow into a
woman who made a dramatic impact on many lives.
She was first and foremost a loving daughter, sister, wife, mother,
step-mother, aunt, grandma, and friend. For
35 years she worked as a stockroom assistant in a major department store and
retired as an office supervisor. She
twice held the office of president at two Veterans of Foreign War (VFW) Auxiliary
Posts and Moose and Eagles Lodges. At the time of her death she had served a
total of 41 years in the VFW Auxiliary. She had a special place in her heart
for her Friday Girl’s Lunch Bunch, and playing pinochle with friends.
At the funeral home, the pews were lined with handmade
quilts that were lovingly made by this wonderful woman. The oldest son was tasked with giving them to
whomever he chose and he did so with a unique and fun delivery. Unbeknownst to me, he had little gold strips
of paper in his pocket that were the same number as there were quilts
available. I had introduced myself to
him, gave my condolences, and listened to him tell me some great things of his
mom. We chatted about the VFW Auxiliary as
I was there as the Chaplain representing the post that she was last associated
with. I inquired about a restaurant I
had heard that he and his family were opening very soon, and we chatted about
loss. I shared that I had recently lost
my dad. I realize that it was probably not
a normal thing for one to commiserate with grief but I felt that we had a nice
comfortable connection. Evidently he
felt similarly because out of his pocket he pulled a gold slip of paper and
handed it to me. His eyes were very
sincere as he told me to write my name on it, grab a paperclip, and put it on
one of the available quilts made by his mother.
I was so touched by this gesture, it was very meaningful to me. This quilt shall go to future VFW Auxiliary meetings with me to keep her presence alive.
During the service, I listened to family members speak of
their gratitude and love for a woman who brought so much to their lives. Dancing, cooking, quilting, games, and
laughter were all bestowed upon this family to carry forth to future
generations on her behalf. It was a
lovely testimony of eighty-nine years of a life well-lived. During her service there was music, polka dancing,
laughter, tears, and even one curse word.
Grandkids spoke of a loving grandma for whom they adored and clung to
each other for support when the emotions overtook them. One grandson had a joke that his grandma had told
him but decided it was too naughty to retell, this brought much needed laughter
to the room as it appeared that others were familiar with the joke he was
referencing.
As I previously noted that “People deal with grief in different ways” it was more evident to me than ever during this celebration of life. There was quite a contrast to this celebration and the one for my dad. Besides myself, no kids, grandkids, or great-grandkids, cousins, nieces, or nephews, got up and shared any kind or loving words for my dad. This family had emails to read that had been written and sent to read from people that were unable to attend; I would have read anything from anyone who wanted to share their feelings for my dad. Their grief was outspoken and vulnerable and well accepted by all. In contrast there were people who could not even watch the beautiful slideshow of my dad that portrayed his life, career, and love of family because their grief was overwhelming. These actions do not diminish anyone's grief but are ones I cannot relate to or understand.
I have learned a lot about myself over these past few months and am trying my best to reconcile some feelings of bitterness and confusion over things I feel should have happened during my most vulnerable moments but did not. It is tough and I have to take it one day at a time. There is no "good grief" for me.
"Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know."
As always thank you for reading.
Grandma P
As I previously noted that “People deal with grief in different ways” it was more evident to me than ever during this celebration of life. There was quite a contrast to this celebration and the one for my dad. Besides myself, no kids, grandkids, or great-grandkids, cousins, nieces, or nephews, got up and shared any kind or loving words for my dad. This family had emails to read that had been written and sent to read from people that were unable to attend; I would have read anything from anyone who wanted to share their feelings for my dad. Their grief was outspoken and vulnerable and well accepted by all. In contrast there were people who could not even watch the beautiful slideshow of my dad that portrayed his life, career, and love of family because their grief was overwhelming. These actions do not diminish anyone's grief but are ones I cannot relate to or understand.
I have learned a lot about myself over these past few months and am trying my best to reconcile some feelings of bitterness and confusion over things I feel should have happened during my most vulnerable moments but did not. It is tough and I have to take it one day at a time. There is no "good grief" for me.
"Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know."
As always thank you for reading.
Grandma P
